Shabbat Shalom Weekly

Torah Portion:  Chukat – Balak

Bilaam Versus Abraham
by Rabbi Shraga Simmons

Three essentials differences between Abraham and Bilaam.  “Whoever has three particular traits is counted among the students of Abraham, and whoever has three other traits is among the students of Bilaam. He who has a good eye, humility and contentedness is a student of Abraham, while he who has an evil eye, arrogance and greed is a student of Bilaam.” (Talmud, Pirkei Avot 5:22)

In this week’s Parsha, the Jewish people pass through the territory of Moav. Balak, the King of Moav, wants to wage war against the Jews, but realizes that attacking them physically is of no avail. Jewish survival is governed by spiritual laws, and thus the only method to defeat them is with spiritual powers. So King Balak hires the greatest spiritual master of the non-Jewish world, a man named Bilaam, to wage metaphysical warfare against the Jewish people.

Who was Bilaam? And what distinguishes him from a man like Abraham who used his powers for the betterment of mankind? The Talmud identifies three key traits; we’ll examine them one by one. n

Good Eye Versus Evil Eye

Someone who has a “good eye” will sincerely celebrate the success of others, while someone with an “evil eye” begrudges the success of others.

In Genesis 18:2, Abraham rushes to care for three nomadic strangers, as part of his constant striving to bring others closer to God. Contrast this with Bilaam, a hit-man hired to generate bad spiritual vibes against the Jews. Bilaam could have just as easily pursued victory by “blessing Moav;” instead he chooses the low road of cursing the Jews.

You can discover whether people have a good eye or an evil eye by seeing their reaction to another’s good news. For example, if you drive up in your shiny new car, will others dance around with a chorus of “Mazel Tov?” Or will they sneer, simmer, and curtly blurt “That’s nice”?

Here in Israel, I have my own method of determination. Whenever one of the rabbinic students becomes engaged, there is an elaborate announcement and celebration. Of course, it’s easy for a married student to celebrate another’s engagement. But I always pay close attention to the single students who are eager to get married themselves. How they react to another’s engagement is a true test of their “eye.”

In practicality, it’s a good idea to be careful about boasting of our own success – whether it be wealth or children or good fortune of any kind. Because the sad reality is that many people are jealous, and in order to feel better they will secretly wish for you to lose what you have. Which is not to say that we should be paranoid or reclusive. But it does make sense to be somewhat modest and discreet, and to be selective with whom we share personal information. Flaunting oneself simply invites the possibility of “evil eye.”

Humility Versus Arrogance

The next trait that distinguishes Abraham from  Bilaam is “humility versus arrogance.” As we discussed in Parshat Bamidbar, the definition of “humility” is to know one’s placein relation to others – particularly vis-a-vis God. Abraham personified humility because his mission in life was to teach that all power derives directly from God.

Bilaam, meanwhile, went ahead and cursed the Jews, even though God clearly objected (Numbers 22:12). He saw God as a deity to be placated – or avoided altogether.

This relates to our own observance. When we encounter a mitzvah – whether it be giving charity, cleaning for Passover, or attending synagogue – do we view it as an obligation to be rid of, or as an opportunity to embrace?

Contentedness Versus Greed

The third trait is “contentedness versus greed.” When Abraham journeyed to the Land of Israel – a metaphor for his spiritual journey – he was willing to reject luxuries in exchange for a life of principles and values. He was even willing to be thrown into a fiery furnace, rather than forsake his moral integrity.

Bilaam, on the other hand, was driven solely by the pursuit of riches. In fact, the Midrash even credits him with originating the concept of casinos and brothels. He was a free agent, a mercenary, a hired gun with no conscience. The very name Bilaam is a contraction of the words “Bi-lo Am,” which means “without a nation.” His loyalty was dictated by whoever offered the most money.

Practically, it is often difficult to discern someone’s true intentions. Are they motivated to help mankind? Or are they self-serving and destructive? How do we discern?

The answer is found in our original source from Pirkei Avot, which distinguishes between the students of Abraham and the students of Bilaam. Why mention the “students?” Why not simply “distinguish between Abraham and Bilaam themselves?

The answer is that the truest expression of a person’s character is through the students they produce. That is why Judaism says that when choosing a rabbi, character is more important than scholarship. Maimonides, in his magnum opus “Mishneh Torah,” expresses this by listing the laws of character behavior (“Hilchos Deyot”) BEFORE the laws of Torah study. You can be talented and wise, but still end up like Bilaam – if you don’t work to develop good character.

Saddling the Donkey

There is yet one more example of the difference between Abraham and Bilaam. The Torah reports that each of them “arose early in the morning and saddled his donkey.” (Abraham in Genesis 22:3, and Bilaam in Numbers 22:21). In Hebrew, the word for “saddled” (yach’vosh) is closely related to the verb “to conquer.” And the word for “donkey” (chamor) matches the word for “physicality” (chomer.)

The interpretation is as follows: When Abraham “saddled his donkey,” he conquered his physical drives in service of God. Thus when Abraham went to receive prophecy at Mount Moriah, he leaves the donkey behind (Genesis 22:5) – as if to say “I am free from the grip of desire.”

Contrast this with Bilaam, who arose early in order to scheme the downfall of others in his pursuit of wealth and glory. In Bilaam’s case it is the donkey itself who gets the prophecy (Numbers 22:25) – proving itself on a higher level than Bilaam himself! No wonder God predicts Bilaam’s demise with the words: “Their forefather Abraham has already preceded you.” (Talmud, Sanhedrin 102b)

Poetic Justice

It is encouraging to note that in the final analysis, everything works out for the good. In Numbers 24:5, as Bilaam attempts to curse the Jews, what emerges is a beautiful blessing instead: “How goodly are your tents, O Jacob, your dwelling places Israel.” These are the first words that a Jew utters each morning when entering the synagogue to pray. For 3,000 years, Jews have used Bilaam’s words to strengthen their commitment to God.

Perhaps this is the fulfillment of God’s eternal promise to Abraham: “I will bless those who bless you, and curse those who curse you” (Genesis 12:3).

May it always be so.

 

Really Needy People
by Rabbi Stephen Baars

Back in the 1970s there was a hit song, “People who need people.” The lyrics went on to say that these kind of people are the luckiest people in the world.

Somehow I don’t think the “needy” people at traffic lights holding up signs, “Homeless: Need food” are very lucky. If needy people are so lucky, why do we lock the car doors when they get close? I don’t see parents telling their children, “One day you might grow up to be one of them… if you are lucky!”

This leads to an interesting question, who are the really lucky people?

Don’t tell me it’s the people who win the lottery, because the stories are countless of fortune winners ruining their lives.

The people who have truly lucked out on life are the people who are needed by people.

In this week’s parsha, Miriam dies and immediately the well that had supplied the Jewish people’s water for 40 years ceased. It is from here that we learn that the Jewish people had this well on Miriam’s merit — millions of people needed her for 40 years.

I often ask couples who come in for counseling if they could ever leave their children.

“Of course not,” comes the stern reply, “they need me so much!”

Five minutes later that same parent will exclaim, “It’s not my kids who are the problem, it’s my husband, he is so neeeeedy!”

The same thing, which is endearing in your child, is the cause for all kinds of marital discord.

What gives?

First, being needed is the ultimate expression of self fulfillment. A human being enters this world with nothing to offer, and their goal on this good earth is to leave it being needed. What a tragedy it would be if we died and no one noticed.

Second, our sense of self worth is directly related to how needed we are.

A student of mine told me of her father who fed the poor of his town. Single-handedly, he ensured his entire small village had no one who went to sleep hungry. When he died, the whole town closed down.

I will share with you one of my goals. When I die, I want the world to stop. In other words, I want to be needed.

Third, is to recognize our own internal dichotomy. On the one hand we want to be called upon to fulfill some eternal destiny, and on the other we want to be left alone and not bothered.

You just can’t have both.

Imagine if the President of the United States called you personally to fulfill a mission that no one else can do.

How would you feel? The truth is that if no one else could really do it, then you might not appreciate being called upon.

The reason is that the more we perfect ourselves and offer to the world our unique characteristics for which we have been placed on this planet, then the more people will call on us to share it with them.

Because of this, the novelty will soon give way to a feeling of annoyance. “Can’t these people just leave me alone?”

And they can’t. Because no one can do what you can do.

And therefore, if we think about it we will realize that our children need us for things that are not unique to us. Their needs are generically the same regardless of who are their parents and therefore their demands are not as draining.

Not so for a spouse. We marry each other for qualities we don’t have and therefore our need for them is unique to them. Similarly, their need for us is unique to us.

At some point in your life you are going to have to decide between being needed or being left alone. You can’t feel a real sense of meaning or purpose unless you are surrounded by people who need you. Alternatively, if the people around you don’t need you, you will feel immense unimportance.

As I said to a very wealthy person who was complaining why people needed him so much, “It could be much worse.”

“How could it be worse?” He asked.

I responded, “You could have nothing that people need.”

If the people around you need you, then you are where you ought to be. And if the people around you don’t need you, then find some really needy people.

* * *

BRAINSTORMING QUESTIONS TO PONDER

Question 1: Who do you know who is needed the most?

Question 2: Who needs you the most?

Question 3: Who do you need the most, and why?

Bring People Together
by Nesanel Yoel Safran

From This Week’s Portion

Peace is wonderful. But it doesn’t just happen by itself. Sometimes even people who want to get along need a little help to do so.

Aaron the Cohen (the Jewish High Priest) was Moses’ brother. He was famous and beloved among the Jewish people for “pursuing peace.”

Aaron would go back and forth between two people who were quarrelling and do whatever he had to, in order to bring them back to harmony.

In this week’s portion, the Torah relates the death of Aaron. He was so beloved that all the people mourned for him even more than when their great leader Moses died!

In our story, a girl extends herself to make peace among her friends.

Marcia looked out at the happy group of kids jumping rope in the middle of her quiet street. It was a pleasant summer scene, really quite typical for this friendly little neighborhood. But it hadn’t always been like this.

Two of the girls in the neighborhood, cousins who used to be close friends, had gotten into a serious argument which had nearly split the street in half as all their friends rushed to take sides. Marcia had tried to remain neutral and at the same time she had convinced a lot of other kids to pull out of the fight and stay friends with each other.

Fortunately, most had listened to her and were now enjoying a relaxed summer of neighborhood fun. But one thing still bothered Marcia. It had been days since she had seen either Elaine or Sue, the two girls who had gotten into the argument in the first place and who, sadly, were still into it.

One morning, Marcia finished helping her mom bake a big batch of her famous giant chocolate chip cookies and asked her if she could go out and play.

“Sure,” said her mom, smiling as she handed her a couple of the still-warm cookies for the road.

With that, Marcia set out on her “peace mission.”

She walked to the end of the block, where Elaine lived. She rang the doorbell of her house. At first, there was no answer, but Marcia continued to ring the bell and at last the door opened. “Oh hi Marcia,” said Elaine. Even though the girl was smiling, Marcia could see from her red eyes that her friend had been doing some crying. “What brings you here?” she asked. “I thought you’d be out playing with everybody else.”

Marcia drew a deep breath “Well, how could I, knowing that you’re not out there with us? Please come join us!”

Elaine tensed up. “I doubt that anyone even misses me … especially Sue.”

Marcia thought for a moment. “Well…,” she said. “I happen to know that Sue is just heartbroken about your misunderstanding. She has refused to leave her house and would like nothing better than to make up with you and be friends.”

Suddenly Marcia got an idea. With her cheeriest look, she held out the neatly wrapped package she had been carrying. She handed the girl what she called a “peace-cookie.”

Elaine took a bite from the cookie and smiled.

“This is really yummy,” she said. “Listen, Marcia, thanks for coming by, I also want to make up with Sue, and I’m willing to compromise. But I just don’t know if I’m ready to face her yet.”

“You’ll see, Elaine — where there’s a will there’s a way,” assured Marcia.

With that she said goodbye to her friend and headed down her driveway with a smile on her face and a spring in her step.

A few minutes later Marcia found herself at the other end of the block, talking to Sue outside the front door of the girl’s house. “So Sue,” she said, “Please take this cookie I baked as a peace offering. Elaine is so upset. All she wants is for the two of you to make up.” Sue managed a weak smile behind her red-rimmed eyes.

“That was really sweet,” she said. “I miss her too, but I have to think about it.” Marcia nodded and headed home to help out her mom take care of their new baby. Later in the afternoon Marcia went back outside to join her friends jumping rope.

Surprise! Who do you think were swinging the rope but Elaine and Sue!

As soon as the two newly reunited friends saw Marcia they rushed over to her, all smiles. Elaine spoke first, “I don’t know what you put in your ‘peace-cookies,’ but they sure worked!”

“Yeah, I’ll say!” added Sue eagerly, “We met up with each other right here in the middle of the street and worked everything out between us. We were both on our way to each other’s houses to apologize! How did you do it?” she exclaimed.

Marcia just smiled. How would she ever explain to them that her “secret ingredient” was her love of peace and her love of her friends?

Discuss Questions

Ages 3-5

Q. How did Elaine and Sue feel after they made up?
A. They were really happy to be friends again and grateful to Marcia for helping them to make up.

Q. If we see that two of our friends aren’t getting along with each other, should we try to make peace between them or just leave them alone?
A. Whenever we can we should try to help them make peace with each other. It is doing them a big favor.

Ages 6-9

Q. Why do you think Marcia was successful in making peace between her friends?
A. In a word, she cared. She took her friends’ situation to heart. It really bothered her that they weren’t getting along, and she was willing to put in the effort to help them. She was in an ideal position to do so, because she had not taken sides in the quarrel.

Q. Do you think that Sue and Elaine would have been as likely to have made up if Marcia hadn’t gotten involved? Why or why not?
A. Even though both girls were feeling bad about the fight and wanted to make up, it likely would have been much harder without Marcia’s help. For one thing, it would have been hard for either of the girls to take the risk of approaching the other one to make peace without knowing in advance that she also wanted to make up. Marcia helped to “open the doors” by letting each of them know that the other was also interested in peace, and encouraged them both to go forward.

Q. Did you ever find yourself in a fight that you didn’t want to get into? How did you resolve it?

Ages 10 and Up

Q. When Marcia told Elaine that Sue wanted to reconcile with her, she really wasn’t sure that it was true. Do you think Marcia did the right thing even though it involved stretching the truth?
A. Being truthful is one of the highest values. Marcia’s approach expressed a deeper truth since most people prefer to be at peace with their friends. So in this case it was justified as a means to help bring her friends together and maintain peace and harmony.

Q. What skills are necessary to successfully be able to “make peace” between two parties?
A. Peacemaking is an art that requires much wisdom and sensitivity. To attempt to merely force two parties, who have genuine grievances against each other, to “hug and make up” is unrealistic and likely to fail. First, one must determine if both parties genuinely do want peace and are willing to compromise. If not, it may be better to stay out of it. Once this is determined, we have to try to find ways for each side to maintain its dignity and find a compromise that both parties can truly live with as a basis for lasting harmony.

Q. Did you ever find yourself in a fight that you didn’t want to get into? How did you resolve it?

 

Quote of the Week

“Study is not the most important thing, but actions–Pirkei Avot, 1:17